As some of you know, earlier this week I (Ty) severely injured my back, and I've been pretty much incapacitated ever since. Big thanks to everyone who has reached out to me with such kindness - I feel it. I feel very lucky. Being in such extreme pain and not able to do much for myself this past week has been very humbling, and when I haven't been in a loopy drug haze I've been thinking a lot. Thinking about how quickly things can change. Thinking I want to be a calmer, less worried person. I can't help but think that stress played a part in my injury. I've been going, going, going for the past, oh, 15 years or so, and really hustling overtime for the past 3. I've based a lot of my self-worth on being a "do-er." I'm proud of my accomplishments, and I'm always working on new projects. And then with one quick motion on Monday, my body just suddenly said "No. You have to stop." But! No buts. I had to stop. Full stop, do not pass Go, do not collect $200 (or $2000 or whatever we would have made from those gigs). Just stop. I really had no choice.
Stopping is such a weird sensation. We cancelled some shows, and they were shows I was really looking forward to. Canceling is something I've done only a handful of times in my whole career. I hate doing it. But it's nice to see that life goes on. And it's also terrifying to see how life goes on, and it will continue to go on whether or not I ever play another show again, and also after I'm gone.
We're not as important as we think. Success used to mean so much to me. Now I'm less interested in my own personal success and more interested in making real connections with people, in helping as many people as possible. Maybe that's just called growing up. But also - the way we show up for each other when things suck? That's important. That's the most important, lasting thing of all.